Get Yourself a Dragon

It’s my fault. I should have kept my mouth shut. Rather than patiently allowing Mother Nature to express winter on her schedule and in her chosen fashion, I complained. Last month it was, “Looks like another year without a white Christmas.” On New Years Day I grumbled, “Everything is so grey and gloomy.” And last week, “Can you believe how warm it is? My kid wants to go snowboarding. Is it ever going to snow?”

Apparently this past weekend Mother Nature had heard enough from me. She sent a quick and definitive response. It arrived via plummeting temperatures and a pummeling of snowfall. All of Michigan — much of the US Midwest, in fact — froze, turned white, and was buried.

It was quite pretty to see if you were warm and indoors. Which I am not entirely.

You see, Mother Nature wasn’t finished responding to my complaints. The cold and snow weren’t all she had to say to me. Her chilly message also included an even chillier P.S. It read:

Wish you were here.

That’s the polite translation anyway. The physical translation is slightly more inconvenient — a failing furnace and frozen hot water pipes. As I write, the temperature outdoors is a brisk 11° (but feels like -3°, my phone informs). Inside, the thermostat reads 60° even though it is set (temporarily) ten degrees warmer. If that isn’t punishment enough for my griping about winter, the hot water stopped working today. The cold water runs, the hot does not. Turn the faucets to cold, water. Turn them to hot, nothing. I assume this indicates a frozen pipe. The plumber will let me know after he arrives to professionally diagnose the problem.

While I wait indoors wearing gloves and a winter coat, I wish I would have complained less. I wish for heat, for hot water, and for an easy solution to my predicament.

It comes to me, in typical carpe draco fashion. A dragon would solve my problems. Just imagine how helpful a friendly dragon would be in the cold and snow of wintertime.

Need an eco-friendly space heater? Get yourself a dragon.

Pilot light in the furnace go out? Get yourself a dragon.

Want snow cleared from the driveway in a hurry? Get yourself a dragon.

Power out but have to fix dinner? Get yourself a dragon.

Is there any winter inconvenience that a dragon could not solve completely or, at the least, significantly ameliorate? Think about it, take all the time you need to reach my conclusion, and then get yourself a dragon.